Sometimes, one partner is ready before the other when it comes to wanting to have a baby. Of course, you can’t find out where your partner is at without talking to them first.
Below, you’ll find several strategies on how to convince your husband to have a baby. Whether he doesn’t think you’re financially ready or he just isn’t ready to take that big step, hopefully, this advice will convince him to fulfill your dream of growing your family sooner rather than later.
Step 1: Bring It Up Casually
Before you can start trying to convince your husband to have a baby, it’s best to bring it up casually. You might even just mention that you’ve been thinking about it and you are ready- but that you are okay if he isn’t yet.
By letting your husband know it’s okay to wait longer, you aren’t putting pressure on him that heighten emotions and turn a discussion into an argument. If your hubby isn’t quite ready yet, there are still some steps you can take to try to convince him.
Step 2: Listen to His Side
A marriage is a partnership, which is one of the reasons it can be so hard to make decisions when the two of you don’t agree.
Before you jump into trying to convince your husband to have a baby, make sure you understand why he doesn’t want one. Consider if your husband has ever mentioned wanting or not wanting children. If he has, ask him about why he doesn’t feel it is a good time.
Keep in mind that it’s important to actively listen- you’ll have your time to talk too, but it’s important to show you value his opinion if you want him to take anything you say seriously.
Step 3: Decide if There is Room to Convince Him
Having a baby isn’t always something you can compromise on- there’s no way to have half of a baby if your partner doesn’t want one! If your partner has always made it clear he does not want children for some reason, there might not be a lot of room to convince him.
“How to Get Your Husband to Want a Baby” offers suggestions on how to influence him without trying to convince him.
Additionally, if you can’t convince your partner to have a baby, you may grow to resent them for taking that away from you. The desire to have children and how many you want is just one of many things you should discuss before marriage.
Fortunately, if you already have a child, there are good odds you might be able to convince your partner in the right conditions. He may not think that it’s the right time to grow your family- it’ll be your job to convince him of that.
Step 4: Set Up a Time to Talk
After you’ve talked to your husband initially about why he doesn’t want kids, set aside another time to talk later in the week. This will give you both time to reflect on what the other has said and to consider anything else that might affect your decision.
Keep in mind that you may need to do this more than once- the decision to have a baby is a really big one. If your conversation starts to get overly emotional or heated, walk away and agree to revisit the conversation at a later time.
Step 5: Come Up with a Targeted Approach
The best thing you can do once you know why your husband isn’t interested in having another (or your first) child is come up with a focused way to address his issues.
Below, you’ll find some of the most likely reasons that your husband might not be ready and what you can do to try and convince him.
What to Say if He’s Worried About the Family Dynamic
It is very true that babies change the family dynamic. Babies change your relationship with your partner, as well as any children that you might already have. While this change can be new and even a little scary, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. Let your husband know that you understand his point of view. It can also be helpful to mention the positives of having a baby. If it’s your first, it’s an exciting new adventure that the two of you can figure out together. For parents that already have kids, it can be alluring to give them a sibling or grow your family a little more.
What to Say if Your Husband’s Worried About Money
Experienced parents might tell you they easily spent thousands in their baby’s first year of life- but there are a lot of ways you can save money. If you are trying to convince your husband to have a second baby, remind him of the items you still have from previous pregnancies- bonus points if they are gender-neutral or some of the more expensive items like car seats, cribs, or pack n plays.
Even if you are having your first baby, there are plenty of ways to save with the right planning strategy. Hosting a baby shower (yes, you can even host a baby shower for your second child) helps take care of some costs. Additionally, many places offer a registry discount of some kind, so you might be able to save as much as 10-15% on those items that people don’t buy for you. By taking advantage of these things and keeping your eyes open for sales throughout your pregnancy, having a baby can be a lot more affordable than you imagined.
Something else that can help if your husband is worried about money is to come up with a baby budget. Take a look at your finances, including how much you are saving and any extra that you have each month. Try to calculate how much you’ll need, including items you need for your little one and the monthly amount spent on diapers, wipes, food, etc. Once you know how much you need to have a safety net and pay for a baby, you can start saving toward that amount and grow your family once you reach it.
What to Say if He’s Worried About the Added Stress
Even though having a baby brings a lot of joy and good emotions to your life, there is also a fair amount of stress. Your husband may be worried that the stress will put strain on your relationship or he might feel overwhelmed by the things he already has to do and wonder where a baby will fit into the picture. Ask about how work or his day-to-day life is going- he might want a baby but he may not be ready to have one right now.
Let your husband know that you understand his concerns and that you know that having a baby is stressful sometimes. Then, convince him that the two of you are prepared to handle that stress and you’ll tackle it together. If he still doesn’t seem convinced, it just might be best to put off the conversation for a couple of months and then re-evaluate.
What to Say if Emotional Turmoil is the Problem
Women are often portrayed as the more emotional ones in a relationship. However, if you are trying to convince your husband to have a baby after a loss like a miscarriage or the death of an infant or child, it may be best that you don’t push the issue too fast. Because men are more likely to tuck their feelings away, it may take longer for them to process something. Additionally, you may find your husband is more likely to try to avoid the situation again rather than risk experiencing that type of pain again.
If your husband is willing, professional counseling may also be a good choice. He can do this alone or you can do it together, especially since it will help you both to talk about it. Above all, be patient and be sure to give your husband time. Healing after grief is something that cannot be rushed and having a new baby won’t necessarily make that pain go away.
Step 6: Presenting Your Side of Things
In addition to addressing those reasons your husband may not be ready to have a baby, it’s also important that you state any reasons you should consider starting.
Below, you’ll find a few reasons that may swing things in your favor as you discuss when to have a baby.
Future Plans
One thing that might help sway your husband toward your viewpoint is bringing up future plans. While kids are a blessing, they are also a commitment that you make for at least the next 18 years of your life. You can’t start traveling or retire to your dream destination until after the kids are out of the home. If you’ve never discussed what you want to do in your retirement, painting a picture of this can help convince your husband to have kids sooner rather than later.
The Age Factor
A woman’s rate of fertility peaks in their teenage years through their late 20s. By age 30, there is a slight decline that becomes more rapid after age 35. By age 45, most women are nearing menopause and the end of their child-bearing years, so it becomes almost impossible to get pregnant naturally. Furthermore, women are more likely to experience fibroids, endometriosis, or other reproductive problems as they age that might cause difficulty giving birth. Another risk comes with chromosomal abnormalities, which are more likely in an older woman’s eggs.
Fertility reasons aside, couples who are younger also have more energy. This prepares you to deal with some of the sleepless nights you’re likely to have with a baby. It also ensures you’ll have the energy to take the kids to the zoo and the park, chase them around, and just keep up with them.
It Feels Like the Right Step
Even if you have baby fever, chances are you’ve already been thinking about how a baby is going to impact your life. It may feel like the natural next step in your relationship or you might feel you are both ready.
If you think that the timing is right, come up with a list of reasons why. For example, consider how financially stable you are, your lifestyle, and other factors that impact whether it is the right time to have a baby.
If you present all your reasons in a logical way, you may find your partner ends up agreeing with you.
Step 7: Hear Him Out, Too
Even though mom is the one who has to carry the baby for nine months, that doesn’t mean that having a baby won’t impact your husband’s life. His opinion is as valid as yours and if you want him to consider anything you have to say about it, it’s important that you hear out his side, too.
Keep in mind that unless having kids is an absolute “no” for your husband, then there are good odds this conversation will happen again in the future. It will also help ensure you are both ready once you decide it’s time to grow your family.
When You Are Ready to Have a Baby and Your Husband Is Not
Avoid Threats and Ultimatums
It’s easy to feel like your husband disagreeing with you about when to have a baby is the end of the world, especially if you’ve been dreaming about it a long time. Keep in mind that you want your baby to be born out of love. Even if giving an ultimatum helps meet your goal in the short-term, it can cause severe consequences in your relationship later on.
Don’t Use Emotional Manipulation
It can be easy to resort to tears or begging when discussing something you want badly, including a baby. However, intentionally begging or crying to sway your husband to your opinion is a form of emotional manipulation. Even though it can be effective, emotional manipulation also sets a negative tone for your relationship. It can cause fights in the future and your husband may resent you for swaying him toward having a baby in this way.
Make a Pre-Baby Bucket List
Something else that can be helpful is to create a list of goals that you and your husband need to tick off before you start trying for a baby. This is especially helpful if your partner feels you just aren’t ready for a baby yet for any reason. This could be a list of things that need taken care of (setting aside a specific amount of money or buying a new home) or even fun things that you’d like to do before you make the commitment to having kids. Not only is ticking goals off your list exciting, but it also makes it easier to come to a conclusion of when it is the right time to have a baby.
Make Sure You’re Really Ready
Many women experience baby fever before the age of 32 – when their reproductive system is at its peak. Scientists do not know exactly what causes it, but it’s described as a longing that might happen because of the body’s natural desire to biologically reproduce. While this longing can happen at any point in your life, some women are more likely to experience baby fever once they are in the right place financially, emotionally, and in their relationship.
However, it is also possible to desire a baby for the wrong reasons. Some women may want a baby to feel loved or needed, or they may want to please family (it’s common for parents to pressure for grandbabies or friends to want their kids to grow up together). Some women may also have a baby in an attempt to save their relationship.
Take the time to evaluate where you are emotionally, financially, and in your life and decide if it is really the right time to have a baby. Keep in mind that even if you aren’t ready, thinking it over gives you the chance to set goals and get ready so that it is the right time to have a baby in the near future.
Final Word
Remember as you try to convince your husband to have a baby that it’s a decision that you want to come to together. If you push too hard or use any manipulation, it can harm the relationship and lead to more problems in the future. However, it’s also important that you voice your opinion- feeling like your partner held you back from having a child can also cause resentment that damages your relationship.
Above all, remember that your husband is an equal partner in your relationship. As you use these strategies on how to convince your husband to have a baby, you’ll want to take the time to consider his opinion, too. It might take some time to convince him that you are both ready- but starting the conversation is the best place to start.